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by William Smiley

I remember three years ago

when I found you on the kitchen floor of your father's apartment
You just couldn't stop crying
hated yourself for it
But you wouldn't let me walk away
not even for a moment
not even to turn on the light
or for something to stop infection
And when I said I wasn't going anywhere
you told me how no one's ever been straight with you
how they've never said goodbye
They just weren't there anymore
Like one day they woke up
realized they'd been living someone else's shitty life all this time
and just checked out
"But how could someone walk out on you like that?"

I sat there empty handed
no undoing words to be spoken.
Instead, I wrapped my arms around you
ran my fingers along the length of your back
Trying to comfort you
I was both so helpless and strong
Trying to tell you, "It's alright. Just let go"
over and over again
knowing probably none of it was true
or at least not seeing how it could be
And for only a moment
I wondered if anyone had ever touched you like this before
and if they too expected nothing in return.